My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just pee around me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drunk is a universal language darling
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize