Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
