The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
