im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
