i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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