you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
