all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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