A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
