we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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