I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
