I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
