She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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