He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
