Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
