How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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