Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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