Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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