I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize