If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
