i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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