I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk is not a location!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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