Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
