do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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