Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
