Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
