I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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