Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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