How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize