I wish I could teleport
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
