Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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