i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
