he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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