Apparently you make a good broom.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
