That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
