If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
