I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
