I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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