Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize