Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
