Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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