the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize