My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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