I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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