You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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