I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
