She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Someone shattered a urinal.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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