from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
