P.S. I can't hear my feet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize