i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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