She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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