For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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