if you like me you must not know who I am
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
