Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize