if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
