He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
