Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize