i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
