He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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