ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
