do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
