All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
