a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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