Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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