I have demons in me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
