I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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