How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
