I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize