Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
