i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
