the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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