He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
