Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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