you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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