mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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