12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
