So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i permit you to call me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am naked and annoyed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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