i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize