Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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