i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
