we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
