I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
