we have officially lost it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
