I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
