there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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