Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm gonna fight the coyote
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
