somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drake has all the answers
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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