D3 body, D1 cock
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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