I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love you. Go after that dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
