Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
