I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
